


Depravity

by notkai



Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Crying, Fever, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Terminal Illness, Sickfic, both emotional and physical, implied familial illness, sanggyun's fever is lowkey a metaphor idgi either, u know the drill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 11:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notkai/pseuds/notkai
Summary: Byungjoo knows what keeps Sanggyun up at night.





	

**Author's Note:**

> proofreading? whos that? never met her she sounds ugly  
> alternatively titled: i love making my biases cry

Byungjoo wasn’t a heavy sleeper, but he didn’t wake easily, either, which was why it struck him as strange when he woke in the early morning to the sound of muffled coughing and crying. Bleary-eyed, Byungjoo glanced around the room and found Sangwon still fast asleep. The sight only confirmed what he had assumed; the soft crying is coming from Sanggyun. 

Sanggyun knew that Byungjoo was a more emotionally distant person and wasn’t good at providing comfort, not in the way that Sanggyun ever needed it. This meant that Byungjoo didn’t have to get out of bed. He didn’t have to ignore the beckoning of his warm sheets and trip over God-knows-what as he tried to get to the bathroom where the younger undoubtedly was, because Sanggyun didn’t expect comfort from Byungjoo. If Byungjoo were to roll over and fall back asleep, he wouldn’t be met with any degree of resentment in the morning. But that knowledge didn’t stop him from getting up and making his way to the bathroom, where a soft yellow light was pouring out from the open door.

Sure enough, Sanggyun is sitting cross-legged on the closed toilet lid, a handful of tissues pressed against his face as he weeps softly. Already, Byungjoo feels his tongue grow thick with fruitless words of comfort and apologies about how awkward he is. He really doesn’t know how to deal with crying people. 

Immediately, he takes notice of Sanggyun’s breathing- it’s hitching from his cries, but something else if off about it. It crackles in his chest when he breathes in too suddenly and occasionally produces a wheeze-like whistle when he exhales, as if his lungs are crying along with him, purging some sort of negative infestation. Byungjoo is tempted to reach out and rub the younger’s back to soothe his messy breathing, but he doesn’t know if it would help any. So he remains still. 

“Sanggyunnie?” 

Sanggyun looks up at Byungjoo, eyes swollen and painfully bloodshot. It almost hurt to maintain eye contact with him. A scraping cough spills from his lips, forcing his eyes to narrow with the exertion of it and sending a fresh river of tears down his face. Byungjoo reachs up and tucks a stray lock of hair behind his ear- the rest was tucked into a messy ponytail. “Sanggyun, what’s going on?”

Sanggyun sniffles wetly and wipes his eyes. When he begins to speak, it’s clear to Byungjoo that he’s trying incredibly hard to keep his voice steady. “I- I talked to my mom today. She’s getting worse. T-they did another scan today and it- it keeps  _ spreading  _ but it’s still inoperable-” A hiccup interrupted the flow of his speech, but Sanggyun ignored it. “A-and we knew this was going to happen, that it would r-reach this stage, but…” His eyes glisten with new tears and Byungjoo begins to regret bringing it up.

“It hurts to hear it out loud?” Byungjoo supplies in a soft voice, and Sanggyun nods, face crumpling as a wave of sobs wracked his frame. He hands Sanggyun a couple more tissues from the box on the top of the toilet and waits patiently until the younger began to speak again. 

“I have, like, three essays to finish and it’s stressing me the hell out and I can’t  _ sleep- _ ” He pauses, breaking off into a fit of grating coughs. The sound of it has Byungjoo wincing. Once the younger gets his breathing back under some degree of control, he bites his chapped lip, looking as if he might start crying again. “I- God, I feel awful, Joo.”

Byungjoo presses his hand against Sanggyun’s forehead and sighs at the sickly heat emanating from him. He knows that fevers have the tendency to destabilize Sanggyun’s emotions, and of course it would have to be paired up with the very thing that keeps him up at night, that gives him nightmares when he is able to sleep. “Clean yourself up. I’ll see if we have any medicine.”

Sanggyun nods and Byungjoo leaves the bathroom, poking his head inside of his room to find Sangwon still asleep, starfished out across the sheets. He stays as silent as he can while looking for some sort of generic cold syrup in their cabinets. In the near silence of the dorm, he can hear Sanggyun coughing and blowing his nose. Byungjoo makes a mental note to run to the store for cough lozenges and tea. 

He comes up with no medicine but is able to procure a bottle of water, and he walks to the front room, expecting to find Sanggyun curled up on the sofa like he normally is. But the sofa is empty, and so is the bathroom, and it’s only then that Byungjoo realizes that Sanggyun is probably in his-  _ Byungjoo’s  _ bed. He pokes his head into the bedroom shared between him and Sangwon and sure enough, the long-haired boy is resting against his pillows, looking like he’s already half asleep. Byungjoo sighs and walks into the room.

He hands the water bottle to Sanggyun, not missing how the younger’s hands are still shaking. “So, you’re gonna sleep here tonight?”

“I- yeah, that’s what I was planning on doing.” The minimal surety that was present in Sanggyun’s voice quickly fades away. He starts to stand up. “I- no, I can lea-”

“Just lay down, you idiot.” Byungjoo doesn’t have the heart to kick him out, especially not when he’s giving Byungjoo those sad puppy eyes. Sanggyun smiles at him, and it’s small but genuine. He crawls under the sheets next to Byungjoo, red eyes closing quickly, and Byungjoo is happy that he’s so exhausted- at least he’ll fall asleep now and get a few hours of rest in before a nightmare wakes him and Byungjoo both. 

Sanggyun isn’t a cuddler and Byungjoo is thankful for that, because he isn’t either and he really doesn’t know what he would do if Sanggyun decided to snuggle with him. Minutes pass and Sanggyun falls asleep. Byungjoo stares into the darkness and listens to Sanggyun’s stuttering breaths. He wishes there was something, anything he could do to ease the younger’s pain, even if it was just for a moment. 


End file.
